Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
