you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
