Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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