Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
