Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
