hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
