One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
