NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
