Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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