I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
