Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
do herpes really smell.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
