Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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