how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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