well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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