my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
