And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
