Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
