dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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