Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
