but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize