I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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