the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
