Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
