I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
