oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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