I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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