i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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