Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My vagina is officially offended.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
