After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
