fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
