Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
