I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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