your parents love me but you hate me
I have demons in me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He keeps bees of course he's weird
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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