I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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