get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
