Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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