Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
