u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
MIDGETS
????
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
