went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize