a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize