No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
