I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize