i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
