are you still at the devil's house?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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