hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
