Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
