i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
