just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
