did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
