Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
