i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
