DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
