fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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