I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I need moral support for this bender
foreskin is a definite game changer
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
