I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
