i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize