He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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