I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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