Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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