I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
