Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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