Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just blew my weed a kiss
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
