wanna go halves on a baby?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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