pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
