She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize