Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
