They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
