she woke up with a sticky ear
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize