I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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