So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
