great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
