I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
