My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
