Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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