that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
