Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
