What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
