I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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