Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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