Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
