if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
