i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
