I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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