hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
