I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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