I can tuck mytits in my pants
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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