I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
