i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
