yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
