I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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