He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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