when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
