Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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