I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
