Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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