operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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