I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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