we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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