my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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