he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
